Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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