thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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