FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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