Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
