You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
