Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
