i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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