I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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