found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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