he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize