I'm laying in your front yard are you home
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
