Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
