apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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