Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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