You're earring is so big in my mouth
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
how does that bad decision feel?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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