What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
