I think I won the penis lottery.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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