Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
