i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
