are you so shy because you have an std?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
