i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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