you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
