fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
