I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
