Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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