4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
