He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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