I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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