you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
