even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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