My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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