I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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