I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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