pop tarts are not kleenex
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
