I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
