Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i dont even know how to be here
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My vagina is officially offended.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
