U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
