i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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