You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
