nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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