Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Is it because I queefed?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
