my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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