i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
