so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
