he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
the raccoons are back...
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