So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
