i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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