god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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