I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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