Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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