I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Someone signed my nipple.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
