Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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