I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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