He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize