so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize