I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
