he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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