I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
