Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
