dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
