I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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