I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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