i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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