so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
