i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
