Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
