remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize