I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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