he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just pee around me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
