I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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