every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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