Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
